The Ego Killers
The secret to any resilience program is the ability to destroy one's own ego. The ego is responsible for a person's self esteem or self importance, according to the dictionary. However, we all have our own definitions of our sense of ego. Pride has something to do with it. So does fear of failure and not looking like an idiot in front of our friends. Have you ever had a tough time saying you were sorry to someone? That’s your ego playing with you. Why is it so hard to say that we are sorry to people? Perhaps we feel like we are losing and the other party is winning? Or perhaps we feel like we are weak of we admit that we are wrong? Whatever the case, saying you are sorry is one of the keys to helping to destroy your ego.
Present Moment Thinking
When we worry about things that are in the future, or regret events that happened in the past (both circumstances are beyond our control and a waste of time), we are feeding our egos with the fuel that egos need to survive, the power of thinking. So how do we successfully suppress our egos? By being grateful for what we have in the present and bathing in every moment that we have around us in the now. If you feel like this is a waste of time, you are listening to your ego. By definition, the ego cannot exist in the present moment. That is why it wants you to worry about the future or regret the past. Starve your ego of this and you will be more happy and successful.
Cherish Boredom
This is not as easy as it may seem. We have been trained for years not to be “bored” or not waste your time by “day dreaming”. Unfortunately, that is exactly what we need to do in order to successfully destroy our egos. We are also constantly bombarded with requirements and stimulus that force us out of the non-thinking (ego killing) blocks into the worry and anticipation blocks. That is not to say that we should simply sit down, put on our diapers, and not do anything. What is means is that our “set points” should be that of awareness and gratitude. We should tune into the feelings of others and serve others. That does not mean that we are push overs or weak. We draw our strength from our missions and execute those missions in a systematic and objective fashion. However, when we are not actively executing, we should strive to be in a set point of relaxation, fascination, and most importantly, happiness.
Resilience is the art of learning from the past in order to improve our performance in the present by not over anticipating the future. This takes work and deliberate thinking tempered with large doses of not thinking and just “being”. Successful resilience programs teach individuals how to function together as a team and to take one difficult moment at a time by developing personal missions that lead individuals down difficult roads that help them navigate through hardships. Eat the elephant one bite at a time and don’t think of the entire elephant. We can accomplish great things when we don’t think too much about ourselves and truly tune into other people’s needs and the environment around us. Our egos shut down when we associate ourselves as part of a larger system and our association with our ego dissolves. This is difficult to accomplish but worth it.
Weekly Assignment
This week, practice this line of existence. See how it feels. Try and document when your mind starts to race into the future or the past. Try to identify what caused this line of thinking to happen. Focus on others and helping them. Do not overthink things and definitely do not dwell in the past or future for too long. Whenever possible, admit that you are wrong and say you are sorry. Do not let pride take control of your life
For true resilience to occur, we must control our ego and suppress it, even kill it. That is the only way to true resilience, and, to a certain degree, true happiness.
“Lean into it!”
Dr. N
